[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Oh yeah♪
♪ Who do you call when you Want some pepperoni?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Right on♪
♪ They're stamping out crime♪
♪ And you know That ain't baloney♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche, He's the leader of the bunch♪
♪ That's right! A heck of a fighter♪
♪ Makes a heck of a lunch♪
♪ And little Polly Esther Who's never afraid♪
♪ That's me! Of going into battle♪
♪ When the bad guys invade♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovis A wild romantic rover♪
♪ This cat gets down down With a love hangover♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats They're so bad♪
♪ They've got more fur Than any turtle ever had♪
♪ They're stronger Than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than dirt Stronger than dirt♪
♪ Step on their tails Get off my tail♪
♪ And you're gonna get hurt Don't hurt me♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town♪
♪ Three, two, one The Pizza Cats are on the run♪
♪ The Big Cheese is the villain Who's lower than low♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird And some nasty Ninja Crows♪
♪ As soon as someone Finds the script♪
♪ We might begin the show♪
♪ Sit right back Pick up your feet♪
♪ And turn the sound up high♪
♪ And if you want The full effects♪
♪ Go eat a pizza pie Hahaha♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
[narrator] It was a chilly Friday night.
Leading scientist and zoology expert, Rufus T. Romboid,
was just returning home after making another boring appearance
on a local Little Tokyo radio talk show.
[sneezes]
Boy, it's cold.
[ominous music] Who are you?
[Rufus screams]
[robot] I have our eighth victim.
Famed zoologist, Rufus T. Romboid,
in my sights, and closing in.
-[yelling] -[robot laughing]
[shouts] Did I pay those parking tickets?
You have to recall my lawyer.
-[screams] -[robot] I've got him.
I'm using the energy assimilator on him now.
Mission accomplished.
[music continues]
[Big Cheese] Extra, extra, read all about it.
Eight boring scientists disappear this week.
Famed zoologist, Rufus T. Romboid, kidnapped.
Hey, read all about it.
[screaming]
Oh boy, oh boy! I like a breaking news item.
Rufus T. Romboid kidnapped.
Reward for his return offered by chimpanzees at City Zoo.
[Guido] Hear that ladies.
-[gulps] Oh. -No kidnapper would dare lay
a hand on your lovely heads as long as I walk the streets
-of Little Tokyo. -But only boring scientists
are getting kidnapped. Can't you read?
You can't be too careful, Lucille, look at it this way.
I'll guard and protect you,
and we can do a little flirting on the side.
Oh, take me to dinner.
[yells] Guido! You couldn't guard a bench wall
around a peewee basketball team, hairball!
-Oh yeah? -Would you like me
-to protect you? -Uh-hm.
See! Besides the script says I protect her.
So what! I'll fire the writer. [screams]
I'm worth it, but still.
[squabbling continues] Fellas!
Hold it! Stop this fighting immediately! [gasps]
Alright. [screams loudly]
[shrieks]
[explosion]
I think I overreacted.
Why'd you lose your temper, Lucille, we were only playing.
[narrator] Meanwhile, in a basement of an abandoned
steak and sushi joint, the kidnapped scientists
were being forced to combine their scientific knowledge
with their totally boring personalities,
into a frightening new weapon.
[Bad Bird] Wake up!
But if I don't get my eight hours I get very cranky.
Hey, got an answer for everything, don't you, wise guy?
Stay awake, and start thinking now!
[narrator] Bad Bird went on to gently explain to Romboid
that a man his age only needs six hours anyway.
Are we sticking to our timetable, Geri, tell me?
It appears we're right on schedule.
Goody, goody, I'm dying to test it.
This Dream Beam weapon will combine
all the boring personality traits of those scientists
into one blanketing ray, that will put all of Little Tokyo's
citizens into a deep sleep.
While they sleep, we'll steal their bedroom furniture,
sell it back to them at an enormous markup,
and make piles of money.
Are you certain this ray will knock out everyone?
Everyone,
and the Samurai Pizza Cats are no exception.
[laughing]
I had no idea I'm so evil.
Do me a favor, will you?
Rustle up four more boring scientists
just for good measure.
Willingly, for sure.
[narrator] The next morning the headline was devastating.
[Speedy] Wow, that's devastating!
You can say that again.
Do you notice anything unusual about all
these kidnappings, Guido?
No one has sent the ransom note, I smell something.
I do too, Speedy. [deep sniffs]
We smell something.
Huh?
You know why we smell something, Guido?
Yeah, the kitchen's on fire!
Man, just when business was getting good!
[screams]
[lively music]
[sighs]
[Polly] What do you dumb yoyos think you're doing?
Playing fireman in the kitchen? [grinding]
There's no playing, the kitchen was on fire.
That was no fire,
that was the aroma of this new jalapeño pizza I invented.
-Jalapeño? -It's a pepper.
[trilling] Hello, Samurai Pizza Cats,
would you like try our new jalapeño pizza?
[Al Dente] Send the Pizza Cats.
Okay, sir, they're on their way.
Al Dente just called, he needs you right now.
[growling]
[Francine] Attention pilgrims.
Don't get nuts-crazed or excited
but the Pizza Cats fuse is about to be lighted.
Oh yeah, and be sure to try our new jalapeño pizza.
Ready, aim, fire!
[explosion]
Hey Mom, what's a jalapeño?
It's a Mexican anchovis, dear.
[Francine] Uh-oh.
I think they might be heading for a crash landing.
[screaming] You've gotta be kidding!
-Mm. -[screaming continues]
What's that, I hear something?
[thud] [screams]
Hi there, Al, glad we dropped by?
I'm ecstatic, but couldn't you use the front door?
Francine made a slight miscalculation. What's up, Al?
Our friend and spiritual mentor, Guru Lou, is missing.
[gasps]
[Al] The last time we saw him
was during the Mount Kuchi [indistinct].
Bad Bird and his evil cavalry had launched a flying robot
with a giant magnifying glass in each wing.
His plan was to focus the sun's rays on Little Tokyo,
and make it crisper than burnt lasagna.
Lou promised us our own flying robot to obliterate Bad Bird's,
and by Jove, he delivered.
-My hero. [kiss] -Ah. [chuckles]
He was supposed to talk about the caper on the Carson show,
but instead he bored the whole audience
with half-colored jokes about atomic energy.
Lou phoned here yesterday to tell me he invented
a new garbage disposal, and asked me if I wanted one
installed in my kitchen.
I told him sure, come on over tomorrow morning around 11,
Its well past 11, and he hasn't shown up.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
[agreeing]
Will you two quit that whispering,
I know someone's abducted him.
I want you to find him, Pizza Cats.
[Pizza Cats] Yes sir!
[narrator] The cats vowed, not only to find Guru Lou,
but all the other scientists.
My room.
[cries] After you find those scientists,
come back to fix my room.
[sighs]
An excellent dinner.
Oh sir, hadn't you better be getting to Al Dente's house?
-You know you're way overdue. -Ha, ha, yeah, I guess
I should get going.
Though I'd rather stay here,
and use Al Dente's charge account to buy more burgers.
Eat, drink and be merry. [laughing]
[laughing continues]
♪ There once was A cat from Mandu♪
[narrator] Drowsy from considerable traces
of mono-sodium glutamate and other harmful food additives
present in the tremendous meal he just consumed,
Guru Lou nonetheless staggered out of the restaurant
and made his way through the byways of Little Tokyo
to Al Dente's house,
unaware that a pair of sinister robotic eyes
followed his every move.
I think I'll stop and pick up a bagel.
[burps]
This garbage disposal weighs a ton,
along with all the other things I carry. [burps]
[pants]
Huh? [gasps]
[robot] I have the 12th victim cornered,
and I'm moving in for the kill.
My instructions are to bring you back unharmed.
Man of science, do nothing to incur my wrath.
-Do you understand? -[laughs loudly]
[shouts] You can't catch me.
Old fart.
-[laughing] -[robot roaring]
Wanna play games, creep boy?
Well, you'll be no match for Guru Lou. [growls]
[yells]
-[grunts] -[laughs] We gotcha.
Alright, use the energy assimilator on him,
before he comes to.
[loud pop] [screams]
Remind me to change that plunger when we get back.
Its already got 20 000 miles on it.
[beeps]
[yells] Ye! Who's that?
[Speedy] We had a feeling you were behind these kidnappings,
Bad Bird,
and now we know.
You guys.
You're not gonna let these goodie-two-shoes
-ruin our fun, are you? -[electronic chirp]
[chirps continues]
Ruthless, what's the matter with you, boy?
Your robot has assimilated all the mono-sodium glutamate
I had at dinner. [burps]
-[yells] Why-- -Might I suggest a heaping
helping of milk of magnesia
Bad Bird!
-[screams] -[grunts]
We'll retreat for now.
[robot] Whatever you say. [hiccups]
[growls] Come back and fight, you turkey.
[grunts]
Merds, he's getting away.
It's cool, we can follow them wherever they go.
Got them with this transmitter.
Hey, does that come in red?
[Lou crying]
[both crying]
-You saved my life. -[squeals]
-Come on, Polly. -Not so fast.
Huh?
-My latest invention. -[Speedy] Wow!
-Like we're overwhelmed. -[Polly] But one question.
How'd you get all that junk in that little box?
Same way we get all of the weird stuff that goes on here.
Through the magic of animation.
Those are some strange looking gadgets.
Ah, what's this one?
This little number's my Monday night baseball boomerang
-Wind up the arm and throw. -[Speedy] Okay.
Yehe!
[screams]
[Polly] Isn't a boomerang supposed to come back?
-I think so. -[laughs]
Dumb thing worked in rehearsal. [laughing continues]
Now, what you have on there is a honey of a weapon.
-I call it The Ninja. -The Ninja, huh?
Ever see a ninja reproduce himself on one of those badly
dubbed Kung Fu movies?
-Well, I've done it. -Done what, Lou?
Just say Guido, and pull the lever.
Guido.
[screams and laughs] [electronic zaps]
-[gasps] -Amazing.
Good, now recite the alphabet in reverse, Guido.
[Guido] Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T,
[screams]
[grunts] Uh. Huh?
Hey, those are pictures of me, not Guido.
Yeah, but you gotta admit it's a good likeness.
Now, you'll have to test it out, Speedy, work out the kinks.
[yells]
Hey you guys, get me down from here, will ya?
[bleeps] The transmitter, it just--
They stopped at the old abandoned steak and sushi joint.
Yeah? I ate there once. The food was terrible.
-Let's go, guys. -Wait, hold your fire!
Aren't you gonna take these?
[Speedy] He, you mean the new weapons, Lou, well, frankly,
we weren't planning on it.
[Polly] Frankly, your inventions much too sophisticated for us.
-See you, Lou. -Yeah.
-Those weapons are all duds. -They'd all backfire on us.
Lou's off his rocker.
[snoring]
-[Bad Bird shouts] Romboid! -[gasps] Did someone call me?
-[yawns] -Sleeping when you supposed
to be working, a damn genius! I've had it with you scientists.
[growls] Your punishment shall be swift.
[narrator] Romboid resigned himself to a shave,
and a haircut, when...
[lively music]
[Bad Bird] Yike! You again.
[Speedy] You take your clobbering off to avoid
our scrutiny, Bad Bird.
You think your nefarious plan can succeed?
[Guido] Do you honestly think we'd let your random
evil triumph over good?
No, 'cause Guido's uncle writes all the scripts,
and he would never ever let that happen. [laughs]
And to think I wanted to fire the man?
Does he let us win every week?
Of course he does!
[scientist] Guido's uncle?
We thought he was Speedy's uncle.
Quiet! How did you follow me here?
What's this? [pop]
A transmitter, huh? [grunts]
I admit its contrived, but it is effective.
I'm glad you admit it. [shouts] Attack!
[screaming]
[Speedy] Gripes! They're so noisy. [screaming]
[screaming continues]
[narrator] A tremendous battle ensued, but--
-[scream] - Who's calling? Ooh noisy.
Got you on the run, huh?
Eh, fiddlesticks, go, go, you twit, attack!
[screams]
-Holy mackerel! -Get the scientists outta here.
[screaming continues]
Now I'm angry!
-[groaning] -Give me [indistinct]
or I'll chop into dog chow.
[crying] What are we going to do?
-Well, Polly, that's everybody. -Speedy's still in there, Guido.
You're right.
You think you're pretty tough, don't ya?
[cries] Hey, what do think this is, a clogged up sink?
I better call the rescue team. [ringing]
Uh-oh. The rescue team's on vacation.
We couldn't afford to pay them this week.
[Francine] Hello grownups and toddlers
out there in the street.
The producers put the rescue team on hiatus this week.
But the cats are in trouble, so with the rescue team stead,
I'm sending them someone with straw in his head.
Here's goes nothing. [explosion]
What are you waiting for, fool?
Use the energy assimilator on him.
-[grunting] -[Bad Bird] Come on!
What are you waiting for? An okay from the plumbers union?
[screams] Earth quake!
Nah, it's just your residency, its Guru Lou.
Damn, how did you get here?
That's quite a method of travel you guys have.
Now, time to create a little havoc.
[air blows] I'm getting outta here! [yells]
[chuckles]
-Yeha! -[gasps]
-Eradicate him! -Ready for this big shot?
Sure.
Oh no!
Wow, it's a flying saucer. [screaming]
[narrator] Guru Lou's flying saucer cut the big rubber ducky,
in which Bad Bird was going to store the Dream Beam,
sheer in half.
I told you my inventions would work.
Well, at least one of them did anyway.
Hey, where is that box of inventions?
[Bad Bird] Did you fossfockers lose something?
See you later. [laughs]
[screams]
That thief!
Fear not, Guru Lou, as long as Guido's uncle writes our scripts
that mangy buzzard won't escape
with your box of inventions.
[scientists] We thought it was your uncle.
[narrator] Who cares who's uncle he is.
Okay, I'll admit it. He's my uncle.
Now stop that living, you guys, and stick to the story.
which at this point, is this:
Bad Bird is put on Guru Lou's wondrous
box of wizardry, and is making his getaway,
while Speedy Cerviche flogs the frenzy fury of his magical
-Ginzo sword. -[grunting]
Ready to rock and roll.
Ye!
[robot] Uh-oh!
[explosion]
[yelling]
[chuckles] That's what I call a splitting headache.
-Taada! -[Lou crying] He's still got
my box of inventions.
Those weapons we tested were in there.
Super, that useless stuff will give that turkey fits.
[narrator] Later at Big Cheese's lab:
Don't look so gloomy, Bad Bird,
we may have lost the Dream Beam battle, but we won the war.
-Sorry about Ruthless. -Yeah, I am too.
Test the first weapon immediately.
[electronic whine]
[screaming] [explosion]
Gee, uncanny.
[stutters] Remarkable firepower.
[Lou] A honey of a plan, wasn't it?
You wanted him to steal that junk, Lou?
That's a lot of baloney.
[narrator] With Guru Lou, Pizza Cats,
you never know what's baloney, and what's fillet mignon.
My uncle wrote that.
In any event, it was again the Samurai Pizza Cats' revered
mentor who staggered up upon the scene to save the day.
What do you have to say for yourself?
-[blowing] - Thank you.
On the next,
Pizza Cats:
[narrator] Things are getting very unpleasant and loud
at the big business association building as Princess Mei
announces that once again she's bored with her life,
and wants a few changes.
[shouts] I want a few changes!
[narrator] Meanwhile, our heroes prepare for the annual baseball
classic, and the arrival of Little Tokyo's favorite
baseball hero in their usual cooperative and friendly manner.
Yeah right.
[narrator] The Big Cheese sees this as a chance to rid himself
of the annoying princess,
and do away with the Pizza Cats in one stroke.
He orders Geri to use his latest robot to control
the baseball-playing hunk, then directs the unfortunate
Avilee to woe the princess, and use his mastery of baseball
to beat the Pizza Cats into the ground,
discrediting them forever.
Will Big Cheese succeed in using the grand old game
to defeat our heroes?
Will Princess Mei marry the baseball player,
move to Minneapolis,
and start a chain of daycare centers for obnoxious children?
Find out next time in: Field of Screwballs,
on the next Samurai Pizza Cats.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Samurai Pizza Cat Fan Club Oath:
The Pizza Cats are Samurai,
and I'd like to note,
their antics take your breath away,
like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed,
We never call retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
we land upon our feet.
So, hail to the ole Pizza Cat,
please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink,
we know you'll fight like--
Pizza Cats!
[lively music]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ We hoped you liked the show ♪
♪ It's the best That we could do♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ If you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you♪
♪ Just a reminder You might like to know♪
♪ The cats will be back For another big show♪
♪ Hahaha♪
♪ Oh gosh♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime Oh yes♪
♪ All over town Hahaha♪
♪ Of all you have O yeah♪
♪ Two, four, six, eight Why do we expectorate♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ Read all the credits so you Know who did the work♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Hahaha♪